It hasn't all been easy.
But it has all been good.
If you had told us four years ago about the struggles we would face, we would have laughed at you. I had crazy expectations. Sometimes I still do.
I'll be honest. Carter is not where the 'Ashley' from four years ago expected him to be.
He's not doing things that I thought he would be by now. And when I think about all the things that he 'should' be doing, I get sad. Angry. Overwhelmed. "WHY AREN'T YOU DOING ALL THE HARD THINGS?!"
This is the problem with expectations. Even if he had met my expectations, I'd still be disappointed. Because I'd want more. Better. Stronger. Clearer. Easier.
Yes, one of my expectations was that life with Carter would be easy.
Laughing my dang head off.
BUT. This is not a post to talk about how hard it's been for me, the poor mommy with wild expectations. This is a post to talk about Carter, our champion.
Each day, Carter takes what he knows and he builds on it. He IS learning and growing and changing.
So I'm sharing a video, which I haven't done in a long time. I share it, not to brag or show how far he's come - because the reality is that four years ago, I thought he'd be much farther today.
I share it to celebrate our boy. He works so hard. Harder than anyone I know.
Focusing is hard for him. Reading this book requires focus.
Sitting still is hard for him. Reading this book requires stillness.
Saying words is hard for him. Reading this book requires saying words.
Such a hard little worker. What a champ.
What do I want to tell our four-years-home son? I want to tell him that the best is yet to come. I want to tell him that he can do anything he puts his mind to. I want to tell him that he is smart and patient and determined and those are all things his mommy could use more of.
It hasn't been easy for any of us.
But it has been good for all of us.
One Thing I Know For Sure: It has all been good.
Side note about mommy's expectations: When Macy was born, I had no expectations of how Carter would respond to Macy. None. Guess what? Living without expectations is awesome. Every tiny gain is a huge victory. Every sister kiss and gentle touch is like winning the lottery.
++Photos are from Carter's homecoming - November 15, 2011++
Click HERE to read about our travels home
Click HERE to read our 'One Month Home' story
Click HERE to see Carter's homecoming video